fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
