just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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