I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
