thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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