just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
