why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
