Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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