Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she woke up with a sticky ear
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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