I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I look better un-naked...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
