Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Enjoy the penises
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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