Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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