I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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