can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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