And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my being single is dangerous.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
