He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
