Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
