So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
