i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
