I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
