There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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