So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
