the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
