you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
