she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
3 2 1 whiskey
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
