just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
