Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
