wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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