did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
