dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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