Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pants are for mortals
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
