Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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