I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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