Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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