alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
