my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
