i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i have herpe
just one?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
