I just pynch a tree in the face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
