I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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