the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
