I hate all girls vehemently.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize