we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i think my cat just said my name.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
