I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
