how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
