I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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