smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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