at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
