in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
