Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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