Can Purell be used as lube?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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