Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
