Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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