I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
