i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
