the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
