new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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