I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
