Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
