He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to calm my uterus...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
