You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
