he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
