Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
