She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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