She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
