I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
