return my video game
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
