you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
