the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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