I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize