Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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