my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
