; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
