My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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