thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
