I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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