everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
