So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
