you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
how does that bad decision feel?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
