the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
