Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Panties = found
Randomize
