I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
