if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize