Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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