fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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