i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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