She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
