shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
