I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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