I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
