I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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