the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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