im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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