What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
